Recapturing Thanksgiving
By Albert B. Kelly
My hope for everyone this Thanksgiving is that they are able to enjoy the holiday in good health and in good spirits with family and friends. After the pandemic year of 2020 this is no small thing. Looking back, there is simply no way to know how many people spent the holiday last year alone because the medical guidance in dealing with the pandemic was stay apart from such gatherings.
There’s also no way to know how many ignored the guidance and came to regret it days or weeks later because they or a loved one became infected as a result of that Thanksgiving gathering. That’s not said in judgement, but in empathy because one thing that was so devastating about 2020, aside from the obvious, was the inherent danger hanging over the most familiar and comforting routines of our lives as Americans.
The pandemic brought fear and uncertainty and just like the virus itself, that fear and uncertainty infected the most intimate and personal aspects of our lives. We are social beings and we get our greatest strength from being together, whether with family or friends; in a classroom, the workplace or at home. We draw strength and comfort and meaning and purpose in life from how we connect and engage with other people. This pandemic struck at the very heart of all of these.
If you doubt that, consider that the most punitive thing we can do to those in prison is throw them in the hole. Of course we try and soften the imagery just a bit by calling it “administrative segregation”, but whatever it’s called, it’s all about isolation and loneliness and it is devastating. Do this often enough and long enough and those involved will go mad. But that’s a discussion for another day.
This Thanksgiving, the focus is on the thing right in front of us- the most obvious thing- meaning the fact that we are able to gather without fear and with far less potential for regret days or weeks later looking over shoulders wondering if we or a loved one became infected as a result of the holiday gathering. I recognize that not everyone is vaccinated and some doubt the severity of the virus, but that too can be left for another day.
2020 was a hard year by any measure and to the degree that we can, let’s let this Thanksgiving holiday be a time for genuinely enjoying the people who are here, the ones that actually show up. Take them as you find them because there will be ample opportunities on other days to pick over old wounds, settle scores, lay blame, win, prove a point, have your say, or whatever.
As I write this, over 400 families in Cumberland County have lost a loved one to Covid. In New Jersey the number is closer to 28,000 and nationally it is over 780,000. In almost every case, it all happened within the framework of being isolated and alone. The patient was alone in the hospital because visitation couldn’t happen. Families had to say goodbye over a device and apart from anything resembling a supportive network. When it was over, they grieved alone and isolated.
For all of those reasons 2020 was a brutal interruption in the way things were, in how we lived and how we died. We can gather all the old threads and try and carry on as before, but I doubt we can carry on as before, because we’ll never be the same. Maybe another way, perhaps the only way, to look at 2020 is as pause. In music, a pause is called a “caesura” it is an interruption. In the language of music, a caesura is a break in the music, a time for musicians to catch their breath and regroup for what comes next.
Thanksgiving 2021 can be our caesura, a time of refreshment if we’re willing. I say that knowing that many of us are weary and bone tired. We’re tired of isolation and social distancing, we’re tired of worrying, we’re tired of strife and tension; we’re tired of arguing.
So my wish for you is that Thanksgiving 2021 can be a time,
however brief, where we quiet our devices, calm the voices in our heads and
come together with people who are willing to do the same, enjoying some
laughter and fellowship with a touch of gratitude for those in the room. Happy
Thanksgiving.