How Not to Give
By Albert B. Kelly
As we move through the Thanksgiving season and the holidays
beyond, there is a natural leaning toward thoughts of gratitude and
appreciation and a desire in some to help those who are less fortunate than us
or those who have recently gone through extraordinarily difficult times. This
is to our credit. But the season is a jumping off point to consider how not to
give.
This idea impressed itself on me over the past several weeks
as I watched news coverage of the devastation down in the Houston area and
shortly thereafter in Puerto Rico. In the aftermath of these hurricanes and
floods, people from every corner of the country gave, but not all giving was
equal. Some gave money, while others donated water, food, canned goods,
clothing, toys, diapers, medicine, and many other things.
I’m always amazed at American generosity, but as I said, not
all giving is equal. In addition to the news coverage about the fact that people
were giving in so many ways, there was also coverage, although considerably
less, about the number of man hours spent sorting through the tonnage to sort
everything and decide what was actually worth distributing.
Take clothing for example. In one news report, a volunteer
spoke about the endless hours she and other volunteers spent sorting through
socks and underwear. We’re not talking about new Fruit-of-the Looms here, but
something someone took out of a drawer or closet and hauled down to some central
spot for donations. I don’t know about you, but I’m not down with wearing
someone else’s used underwear or socks.
If the response to that is that beggars can’t be choosers, I
can only say that the people needing help have just been through a lot of trauma
having lost, in most cases, everything. Perhaps the one thing they have left is
their dignity and maybe a little hope- nothing kills both quicker than the
prospect of wearing a strangers used underwear. If that’s the best we can come
up with…then I don’t know.
Believe it or not, the same goes for other items, whether
winter coats, diapers, toys, or even bottled water. What I mean to say is that
for every item given, someone has to sort, pack, transport, unload, and
distribute. All of this takes time and resources. My point is that unless a
specific request is made for these items (i.e. winter coats, diapers, toys,
bottled water), they can hinder relief efforts more than help.
Sometimes the best thing is to give money or a gift card so
that the people on the ground doing the relief work and the victims themselves
can decide what they need and when. Of course you want to make sure that the
agency, person, or group you are giving to is legitimate, but having
established their bona fides, such giving is the best way to help.
It’s the difference between smart giving and emotional
giving or perhaps even selfish giving. Smart giving accomplishes several
things; it recognizes that time and money are necessary to haul material goods
across long distances and that once there, these things must be stored, broken
down into bite-sized pieces and somehow distributed. Smart giving also recognizes
that those in the eye of the storm know what they need best and when.
This stands in contrast to emotional giving which imagines
how awful a situation must be and reacts immediately without any real thought as
to what might actually be involved with recovery and relief. This giving does
not come from a bad motivation, just one that is not well thought out.
Then there is selfish giving- the used underwear type of
giving. This giving has the appearance of generosity, but it’s really just an
opportunity. Maybe it’s just a chance to avoid paying a dump fee when cleaning
out the basement, garage or attic. This type of “charity” has no real sacrifice
attached and it allows the giver the illusion of doing good but it’s really just
table scraps, stuff they don’t want anyway, and that’s all it is.
So as we move through this Thanksgiving season and the
holidays beyond, should you decide to give, be thoughtful and deliberate about
how you do it. There will never be a shortage of those in need and if my hunch
is right about climate change, there will be many natural disasters and many devastated
communities. Think about how you would feel and then act accordingly.