A New Type of Attention Deficit Disorder
By Albert B. Kelly
If I had to put on a figure on it, I would say that the
group of men numbered about 100. They came in all shapes and sizes and ages.
Some were black and some white, others Hispanic. Out of this group of
approximately 100 men, some were fathers and others grandfathers. There were
some uncles, various step dads, and even a few cousins.
By all measures, we were an ordinary bunch but we were
gathered for an extraordinary purpose- to welcome and support the children in
our lives as they began the first day of the new school term. Maybe that does
not sound like such an extraordinary thing, but it was and it is.
100 strong, we made the rounds to Bridgeton High School,
Buckshutem School, and Cherry Street School as the school year kicked off. I
was very pleased to be among them but the real delight was seeing the faces of
the students as they saw dads and granddads line up to welcome and support them
at the start of the new school year. A few were even surprised to see their
pastors and even our police chief “representing”.
I guess I think of it as an extraordinary thing because
of the times in which we live. We’re all familiar with Attention Deficit
Disorder, but the kind of attention deficit we face today is not just confined
to the clinical type we hear about from doctors. Many children face a deficit
in terms of receiving genuine attention from positive male role models in their
lives.
Whatever the reason: divorce, separation, casual
attitudes toward parenting, or strains in American culture that sometimes treat
men and fathers as optional in the lives of children, we’re facing a “dad
deficit” where men are too easily marginal influences in the lives of
youngsters.
It happens in the big things, but it also happens in the
small things. How many children look out into the audience at a Little League
game or a school activity and don’t see dad? How many parent-teacher conferences are moms only?
Understand, I’m not in any way belittling or
underestimating the job our single moms do and I recognize that there are a
million circumstances that can separate and put distance between fathers and
children. But I also know that there are a lot of times when fathers don’t step
up for the children they bring into the world.
That’s why it was a sight for sore eyes- 100 fathers,
grandfathers, step dads, uncles, pastors, youth mentors- lined up in front of
the school like a line of cheer leaders, which I guess in a way we were,
cheering these students on and applauding them.
We want to visit every school and my own thought is that
we should do this at a different school in Bridgeton every month as a way of
letting our young people know that we’re rooting for them, we are pulling hard
for them and we care about them.
Being there won’t fix all that needs fixing, but it’s a start.
Children need positive role models in their lives, but they especially need
positive male role models. Celebrities, movie stars and athletes just won’t do
when it comes to hands-on role modeling or mentoring.
All of that is to say that I was proud and extremely
grateful to join these men as they welcomed and cheered these children on the
first day of school. Half the battle is showing up and I can say that many of
the students were surprised and delighted that we did.
I know we can do more and we’ll get there. But I want to
encourage as many men as possible in our community to take an active role in
supporting the children in their lives. If we’re willing to make the
commitment, this could include attending school plays, athletics, and other
activities on behalf of our students. As I said, half the battle is just
showing up.
Whatever we do, I think it is vitally important that we
men do what we can to be a visible and regular presence for our youth. There is
no downside and a whole lot of upside. If nothing else, it’s a way to start to
push back against the lack of male attention- a “dad deficit”- and the strains
in our culture that has left a gaping hole in too many young lives.
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| Men of Bridgeton come out on the first day of school to support and encourage students |